By The Gummy Insider
Round 2 of Vic Country Masters for the South Coast Sharks was held on Sunday arvo at Clarke Park in Sunbury.
Fair to say the BOM map showed the only part of the state where there was any precipitation was sitting directly above Clarke Park—meaning the afternoon was going to be a slugfest from the get-go…
Pre-Game
The Sharks’ rooms were abuzz, and emotions were at fever pitch when Stevo announced his fantasy footy bet with a Lions mate. The boys gave an undertaking that they’d do their best to get Stevo the goal that would win him the bet.
Throw in that it was also Archie’s birthday, and Hillsy was making his debut—it made the Sharks rooms a fun place to be.
With the Sharks’ spiritual leader, Podgey, providing his pre-game tactical analysis of how to play the wide expanses of Clarke Park, it was obvious the Sharks meant business.
Warm-Up
As both teams entered the ground simultaneously and eyed each other off, there was noticeable disappointment on some of the lads’ faces wearing some questionable fluoro boots—knowing they’d have some explaining to do once the ground clearly fell into the heavy, muddy category.
Standing near the Lions huddle, I heard one of their players say,
“We’re a big chance today boys—Trotts isn’t playing, and neither are the Bones Boys.”
(Pause… They weren’t referring to you in that comment, Mark Tobias!!!)
Captains were called in for the toss, but our on-field leader JD still hadn’t presented. When quizzed, one of the boys said,
“He’s still in the rooms oiling up.”
Luckily, VC Mark “Bueller” Ferris stepped in and chose the northern end, slightly favoured by the breeze.
The huddle formed, final words were shared about commitment to each other, and the reminder that Sunbury are always tough opposition was laid down.
Game Time
The ball was tossed up and Cobes got first hands to it. Sharks, thinking they were down one in the midfield rotation, soon realised they were actually two down—Joey hadn’t fronted either. The consensus? He was still in the rooms with JD, oiling up together! (Hmmm…)
Early doors, it was an arm wrestle. Conditions were greasy, the Lions had invoked “deflate gate” by serving up a flat, waterlogged ball, and it became exactly what was predicted—a proper slugfest.
Scary was getting plenty of it (mostly because he’s closer to the ground than most), and debutant Hillsy showed he could seriously play.
Bueller, Charlie, and the crew in the middle were loving the tough conditions.
Vass was directing traffic up forward early while Pres sat on the bench contemplating whether to put his new boots on (worried about “blistering” and future resale depreciation).
Dunners wasn’t loving the shallow wing, and Hendy looked like he was kicking off his “non-preferred” left—until someone told me that was his preferred foot. (WTF.)
Five minutes in, still goalless, and Bang!
Gibbsy came screaming through and snapped truly to open the Sharks’ account—only to stand there waiting to “convert” like he was still playing rugby league (different game, son!).
From there, the Sharks piled on five quick goals, and by then JD and Joey had fully “oiled up” and entered the midfield rotation.
Cobes was close to best-on-ground as the Sharks took total control of the contest.
Quarter Time
Podgey and Kellza presented the board, but some old derro in a green hoodie and Bulldogs shorts chimed in with some baffling advice.
While Podgey was full of praise, Pres kept it simple:
“Put your foot on their throats and grind them.”
Cobes shared some technical insight about the wind coming up and over the trees to the south, but after the huddle dispersed, three players were heard saying,
“The old derro actually made more sense than Cobes.”
The Sharks broke the Sharpy Rule and started with 19 players on the field. The umpires got suspicious, but a quick huddle from Cooky, Shaggs, Dipp, and Scary confused them long enough for one player to slip off unnoticed. (Maybe time for some name tags?)
Despite kicking into a breeze, the Sharks dominated—slamming on six unanswered goals.
Everyone was dining out: Pres slotted a couple, Vass got on the board, JD snapped a ripper from the pocket, and Stewie, playing his second game in 18 hours, snuck forward to snag one himself.
At halftime, it was the Sharks by plenty.
Second Half Highlights / Points of Interest:
- Pres done for holding the man/sling tackle when his finger got caught in a jumper—left his middle finger pointing the wrong way (Ouch).
- Banksy intercepting a certain goal—turning it into a rushed behind instead.
- Adzy agreeing to stick to team structures… then doing the opposite.
- Bulldozer Bauschy taking out the entire Lions midfield in one tackle.
- Myles’ frustration at three blatant non-paid free kicks.
- Vass’s reaction to being moved to fullback (note: leading for the ball from fullback not ideal).
- Podgey’s stats: 3 dropped marks, 2 clangers, and a missed sitter from 15 out (Don’t worry, Coach—happens to the best).
- The Sharks delivering on their promise to Stevo—jagging a goal and winning the bet (please gamble responsibly).
Final Score:
South Coast Sharks 94 – Sunbury Lions 1
Best Players 35’s:
GLC Nutrition – Mark Ferris
Gypsy Burger – Coby Reynolds
Best Players 45’s:
GLC Nutrition – Adz Power
Gypsy Burger – Charlie Tucker
Next stop: Echuca away—get around it for the Road Trip of the Year!
South Coast Sharks AFL Masters 
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